Well, this is it ... I'm beginning to blog! I'm looking forward to writing down my thoughts daily. I remember writing in my journal in the past. I've gotten out of that habit, and I miss it. I started journaling around 1992 on the day my friend, Cheryl K. died from cancer. I remember sitting in my car right after I heard, crying, my head spinning, not being able to put a complete thought together. I bought a journal that day and started writing everything that came to mind. The injustice. Hate cancer. Can't find my hope anymore. I miss her. It's not fair. She was only 30-something. Her son. Her husband. God?
When I was done, nothing had changed on the outside. She was still gone. But I could breathe again. And to my surprise, my pen had led me back to The One who is my hope.
After that, I journaled regularly because I saw the power in it. Until circa 1996 when someone close to me read my journal and used its contents against me. You see, I used my journal to pour out all of my feelings and torments because it helped me process all that was going on. I would write it out, then sort through and see what was truth and what was not. Lots of our thoughts are false. From there, I would grow, knowing truth from lie. The problem with that was it was all on paper and I never thought anyone would have access to it. The person who read my journal took things personally. And so I hit a wall. A journaling wall.
I haven't really journaled since then. I try and stop, try and stop. I don't trust the journal anymore.
This week's news about Mother Teresa's journals being exposed has renewed my hurt about my journal being read. She requested that her journals be destroyed. Yet the guardians of her journal have chosen to publish them. At first, I was outraged. She gave her whole life to others. How dare they invade her private life in her death. Her last request denied. But as I read the article about her spiritual struggles that she wrote about in her journals, I saw the wisdom of allowing others a glimpse into this part of her life. How many times have I felt that spiritual emptyness? And now I know that Mother Teresa also felt it, yet she never gave up and continued to serve God all the days of her life. Her's was truly a life of service without expection of reward here on earth. I'm looking forward to reading Come Be My Light.
Well, back to my journaling wall. I want to start writing again. I like the idea of electronic paper and pen because of my friends, Backspace and Undo. This is my first entry, so I don't know for sure, but am hoping, that there is a way for me to mark my entries as private or public. This helps me get more comfortable with being honest in my writing. I need to remember that some things I write, especially when I'm processing, will turn out to be false thoughts and exaggerations written in the passion of an emotionally-charged moment. But I don't want to edit too much. I want this to be a real and honest blog of my life. In reading other's blogs, I find I get encouragement from having a glimpse into someone's life that says they're not perfect, and yet it doesn't take away from the good in their posts, or in M.T.'s case, in her life.
Gives me hope for my life.
A hui hou (until we meet again),
Lisa
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Journaling, Mother Teresa and Hope
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3 comments:
there is a way to set your blog "private". I contemplated on doing that. But after much thought, I decided to keep it public.
After almost a year of blogging I it's been confirmed in me that God can use our blog entries to speak to others. Of course I filter what I posts, but I also try to have it reflect my true thoughts in life.
One blogging friend of mine keeps 2 blogs - one private to really intimate thoughts, and one public.
Hi Liza,
What I'm not sure of is, if I set it to "private" (my other blog), do you know if it is still searchable on google?
I've been trying out different services. I like the look and feel of blogger, but I also like multiply. I hear wordpress is good too, but I haven't tried that yet.
A lot of the professional or more serious blogger think Wordpress is the best. I have heard of Multiple but is not familiar with it.
Honestly, come to think of it, even though it might be unsearchable, there's always a chance that someone will stumble upon it (I am now thinking, there's no absolute "private" blog). So one way to do it is to use a pen name in place of real name and don't put anything that can be associated with you (like town you live, etc.) in addition to setting it private. ultimately, someone can still trace who it it but it will take a lot of work and computer knowledge.
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