Update on my mom #1

Friday was a hard day - the day we had to talk about options. I realize this is very personal information, but it is important information for everyone who has elderly parents, so if you're interested in the subject, read on. If not, I won't take it personally. :)

My mom specified in a legal document that in the event of a terminal illness where she would not be expected to recover, she does not want a feeding tube inserted. So after speaking to her doctor and the social worker, and all of us siblings and my dad, we came up with a plan. We will look for a temporary nursing home (not private home, but like Hale Makua) for mom to be in for the next 100 days. This gives us enough time to wait and see. After the 100 days, if mom can eat, she goes home and my dad will be her caregiver (best case scenario). They can at that point look into something called Nursing Home Without Walls which Medicaid pays for if you qualify (and they do). If she doesn't improve, then we will need to go by her wishes and remove her feeding tube. Then at that point, hospice will assist us in my parents' home, administering morphine to be sure my mom isn't in too much pain. And in time nature will take its course and she will go be with Jesus.

I love my family so much. We are all united in our thinking, which is huge for something like this. It is one less thing to stress about.

I decided to stay in Honolulu until Thursday because we need to call nursing homes and visit them and see which home we prefer out of those that have open beds. Please pray that the one in Kapolei has an open bed for my mom. It is clean, modern, peaceful, and close to Waianae, which will make it easy for my dad to visit my mom every day. He would be able to catch a ride with my brother, who works in Kapolei at the golf course.

The one thing that would be a bummer is if no beds are available on the Westside of the island, and there is a bed available in a faraway place. If that happens... if we refuse a nursing home that is available, then we either have to just take mom home or pay all expenses for her to stay at Kaiser Moanalua. So in that case, we would not refuse, but then my dad wouldn't be able to see her every day. So please pray that one is available close by, if not in Kapolei.

My piece of unsolicited advice today is... have a clear filing system to keep the following documents for whomever might qualify for Medicaid services. To qualify, a person must be 65 or older, blind or disabled, the household would need to have less than $104,000 in assets, primary home excluded, and earn less than $2,600 or so in monthly income. That's two people on social security, believe it or not. Thank goodness my parents live with my brother; I don't know how they would make ends meet otherwise. And my brother doesn't count as part of the household, according to the Medicaid coordinator at Kaiser.

So the list of documents: birth certificate, picture ID, social security card, marriage certificate, bank & financial account statements, life insurance (cash value) records (throw away references to expired to canceled policies), funeral plans, real property ownership & tax records, retirement funds, family trust info, proof of other assets, social security award letter, pension benefit letter, veteran's benefits, pay stubs, proof of other income.

Also, be sure to have a power of attorney signed. We can't find my mom's copy although I'm pretty sure she signed one. I now have to hope and pray the insurance companies, etc, will give me information as I sift through her old and current policies.

My mom is opening her eyes more, which is hopeful. Thank you all for praying for us! We can feel your prayers and God's strength sustaining us through days and days of inadequate sleep. You can pray that we all stay healthy because we all take shifts and one person being ill would mess up our rhythm.

An interesting tip for those who come to Oahu sometimes: In Waikele, there is a lumpia kiosk called Alyssandra's Lumpia Express - OMG! Lumpia made right there as you wait, fresh and warm and ONO!

8 comments from Facebook

Karen Joe Johnson wrote at 8:50pm on November 23rd, 2008 AHHH, LISA--that's tough. I am so sorry you are going thru this. It's sad for all of you, and I'm glad you have each other. This is a very iimportant moment in your life and I hope you can just take the time to work things out for your mom so that you feel good about it. No pressured decisions, that way. Continuing to pray for you. Thanks for all the organization tips, too. That's a help...and you are always such a great helper! Love you. Report - Delete

Christen Roszkowski (Lexington, KY) wrote at 10:12pm on November 23rd, 2008 Lisa! I can't even begin to understand, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm praying for you! I love you! Report - Delete

Domino E.B. Rarangol wrote at 10:45pm on November 23rd, 2008 Hey Lisa, So sorry for what has/is happening. I'm not much of a praying type but I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and wish for the best. I kinda know a little of what you are going through. My family had to bring Grandma home to take care of her in her final days after her surgery went bad. It sounds like your mom is making better progress. Thanks for the advice and I'll hope for the best for you all! Report - Delete

Liza's Eyeview wrote at 2:42am on November 24th, 2008 I am glad you found a lumpia express :) continuing to pray for you and your family. Report - Delete

Debbie Brittain wrote at 6:50am on November 24th, 2008 Your note sounds all too familiar to me. Gratefully, my dad kept impeccable records and had them neatly filed...which made it so much easier on us, especially my sister. Your information will be a HUGE help to anyone interested. Will continue to keep you all in my prayers. By the way, just love that last paragraph about the lumpia...somehow food just seems to lift my heart like nothing else can, hahaha. Love you, Lisa! Report - Delete

Eydis Rennan wrote at 9:25am on November 24th, 2008 I'm so sorry what you are going through and thankful that you can express it with us. Always teaching me. My prayers and love is with you. You can always bring some Lumpia's home with you. (to us) Report - Delete

Nancy Loren wrote at 2:41pm on November 24th, 2008 Dear Lisa So sorry you are having to indure this painful Journey. Prayer for you and your Family will continue, and thankyou for keeping us up-dated and sharing your life with us all! ♥ nancy Report - Delete

Germaine Loewen wrote at 9:24pm on November 24th, 2008 Love you Lisa! I don't even remember any of that stuff....You and your siblings are amazing...Praise God! Report - Delete

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