Update on my mom #3

It was good to get back into the work routine although I still wish I lived closer to my mom so I could help out. Yesterday morning, as I was saying goodbye to my mommy, I asked her if she knew who I was. She shook her head, "no". I said, "I'm your daughter, Lisa. Do you know who I am?" She shook her head again. I went down the list of family members and she only nodded to Kapua and Danny. She didn't even know who Annette was (that's her name). By the time I reached the car, I was crying like a baby. I guess I need to process the loss of relationship with my mom as it used to be. I'm really sad.

On a more positive note, it looks like our prayers have been answered as she will be moving to the nursing home in Kapolei, making it easier for my dad to visit her every day. Thank you all for praying with us.

10 comments from Facebook

Kelli Torrez (San Francisco, CA) wrote at 10:03pm on November 28th, 2008 Lisa, that must be so hard. I admire how strong you are. I am so sorry that you are going through this my dear sister. I am praying and praying for you that God will give you peace and comfort and a miricle healing for your mom. Many blessings to you Report - Delete

Debbie Brittain wrote at 10:03pm on November 28th, 2008 I'm sorry, Lisa,...will continue to pray for you and your family. Report - Delete

Debbie Ashcraft wrote at 10:36pm on November 28th, 2008 I am so sorry Lisa. My heart is totally breaking with yours. Thank God your Mom was able to be closer to your Dad. We are all praying for her and for each of you. ♥ ♥ ♥ Report - Delete

Lulu Williams wrote at 8:58am yesterday Lisa, I am so sorry about your Mom - I pray that the peace of God will surround you continuously because He is the only one who can give you comfort at this time. My prayers are with you and your family. It is good that your Dad will be able to go and see your Mom now. love Lulu Report - Delete

Karen Joe Johnson wrote at 12:49pm yesterday Dear Lisa, so sad for you. Just wanted you to know that you are on my heart here in VA. It is a lot to bear seeing your mom lose touch with you all and her lifetime of memories. Life can be so very sad, and it seems to come all at once. It is a great comfort that someday it will all be restored. You are in my prayers for comfort and strength and hope and courage. Much love, Karen Report - Delete

Maisha Lauer wrote at 1:44pm yesterday Lisa, I am praying for you! I am so very sorry that you have go through this. "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." John 14:1-3 Love, Maisha Report - Delete

Sandy Mosley wrote at 2:18pm yesterday My heart is with you Lisa, it must be a sad time for you. Try to remember all the good things/good memories of times spent with your Mom before this happened. Hugs and Prayers Report - Delete

Lisa Gesinger (Portland, OR) wrote at 3:02pm yesterday Lisa, Thank you so much for sharing what you are going through with your mom. I am humbled by your continued grace in your most vulnerable moments. Your writing as a family member is a close reminder to what my patients and their families must go through, something easily forgotten in the everyday business of just trying to get the patients through the next shift. Thank you for reminding me of the compassion the family needs in these frightening and uncertain hours. Again, if you need anyone to talk to I'm here for you! Having been reconnected to you has really reminded me of how far off I've gone off path and you inspire me to fight for what I believe in and hang on with everything I have. You make such a difference in so many people's lives, especially your family's lives. I pray God will give you a sense of deep peace during these painful times. I love you and will continue to pray for you my sister! Report - Delete

Chey M wrote at 3:17pm yesterday Lisa, I am so sorry to hear about your mother. My experience is not exactly the same as yours, but I understand what you are thinking and going through. In many ways I think it is tougher for you. My mom passed away less than a year ago suddenly. You are experiencing a different kind of death with your mother. When you said that you are grieving the loss of relationship with your mother you were so correct. I will pray for you sis. I have not been on facebook much, so this is the first I have read about your mom. Your family is in my prayers. What a blessing you have been to your family. Also, I had no idea you were planning on going back to college! Yeah, you! Trust God and His timing. I miss you. Dad wants us to come back for the anniversary of mom's death. I might be there for Christmas, but due to school starting, I cannot stay until the 4th. I'll keep you posted. Aloha Report - Delete

Starr Segovia wrote at 8:41pm yesterday Lisa I will be praying for comfort and strength for you and your family!!! Report - Delete

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Update on my mom #2

Mom had a feeding tube surgically inserted into her stomach yesterday so she is in some pain today. She was able to stand for a few seconds, sit for a few seconds, swallowed a tiny bit of applesauce. Still not coherent most of the time, but has had a few moments of clarity. Cannot speak, but shakes her head "no", nods "yes".

We go to a nursing home in Kapolei Wednesday to talk about options there. PLEASE PRAY my mom can get placed there. The Kaiser doctor who sees patients there is great, the place is accessible to my dad for daily visits. It would be a huge blessing for mom to be there.

I'm headed home Thursday morning (Thanksgiving Day). These are the times I wish I lived on the same island as my parents. I miss JB, Britt & Malia so much, but I feel like I'm bailing on my family.

On the drive over to the hospital tonight, I was reflecting on our human-ness. Our aging is part of God's design in us. We take care of our bodies, eat right, get exercise, don't smoke, all to get the best mileage and quality of life out of our bodies as possible. But even so, as we age, we don't have a magic "off" switch we can flip that lets us escape this process of aging where our body breaks down and our mind loses some functions. I thought about why we are designed this way. I know this: God has a reason for everything. He didn't make a mistake in the design or leave one switch out. It could be that he uses a parent's aging process to grow "something" in the children, spouse and loved ones of the aging one. I know for myself, I feel myself growing in the areas of caring, empathy, patience, service, devotion, compassion - and not just for my mom, but for my whole family, and for other families who are or will be going through this same process.

Sowing and reaping. On the one hand, one would think that if you sow good health, you shouldn't reap failing health in aging, but that is not the case. No matter how well you take care of your body, if you live long enough, it will break down. I think about the give and take in life and I'm reminded that Kit Lauer's illness brought full circle the care and concern he has had for others through the years, when they came to his and Shelly's aid in their time of need. That's sowing and reaping. So balance is good. Take care of your health, but take care of your relationships too.

Another way God may use the aging process for a purpose would be in saying "a hui hou" (until we meet again) to our loved ones. If there were a switch we could flip when we were ready to check out of this life, it would be nice and clean for us, but hard on family members left behind. But throw in a little (actually an awful lot) of pain and agony, and after a while, death almost becomes a friend. We don't want to see our loved ones suffer beyond what their body and mind can bear. That's inhumane.

No easy answers, but I find comfort in the fact that God has a purpose for everything.

Unsolicited tip of the day: a universal remote control brought from home makes it way easier to control the hospital TVs. Don't forget to bring the brand codes list.

An idea: someone should do seminars on how to navigate HMOs, Medicare and Medicaid. In the middle of a health crisis is not the time to learn the ins and outs of these systems.

Again, thank you all for your prayers and kind words. Forgive me for rambling on and on...

3 comments from Facebook

Eydis Rennan wrote at 8:42am on November 26th, 2008 Amen Lisa, that was beautiful. I pray for a wonderful Thanksgiving for you and yours. Report - Delete

Tyler Gillies (Hope Chapel) wrote at 11:03am on November 26th, 2008 continuing to pray for her Report - Delete

Debbie Ashcraft wrote at 3:49pm on November 26th, 2008 Praying for you guys, especially your mom...may the Lord's strength, comfort and healing surround you all in a totally tangible way. ♥ ♥ ♥ Report - Delete

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Update on my mom #1

Friday was a hard day - the day we had to talk about options. I realize this is very personal information, but it is important information for everyone who has elderly parents, so if you're interested in the subject, read on. If not, I won't take it personally. :)

My mom specified in a legal document that in the event of a terminal illness where she would not be expected to recover, she does not want a feeding tube inserted. So after speaking to her doctor and the social worker, and all of us siblings and my dad, we came up with a plan. We will look for a temporary nursing home (not private home, but like Hale Makua) for mom to be in for the next 100 days. This gives us enough time to wait and see. After the 100 days, if mom can eat, she goes home and my dad will be her caregiver (best case scenario). They can at that point look into something called Nursing Home Without Walls which Medicaid pays for if you qualify (and they do). If she doesn't improve, then we will need to go by her wishes and remove her feeding tube. Then at that point, hospice will assist us in my parents' home, administering morphine to be sure my mom isn't in too much pain. And in time nature will take its course and she will go be with Jesus.

I love my family so much. We are all united in our thinking, which is huge for something like this. It is one less thing to stress about.

I decided to stay in Honolulu until Thursday because we need to call nursing homes and visit them and see which home we prefer out of those that have open beds. Please pray that the one in Kapolei has an open bed for my mom. It is clean, modern, peaceful, and close to Waianae, which will make it easy for my dad to visit my mom every day. He would be able to catch a ride with my brother, who works in Kapolei at the golf course.

The one thing that would be a bummer is if no beds are available on the Westside of the island, and there is a bed available in a faraway place. If that happens... if we refuse a nursing home that is available, then we either have to just take mom home or pay all expenses for her to stay at Kaiser Moanalua. So in that case, we would not refuse, but then my dad wouldn't be able to see her every day. So please pray that one is available close by, if not in Kapolei.

My piece of unsolicited advice today is... have a clear filing system to keep the following documents for whomever might qualify for Medicaid services. To qualify, a person must be 65 or older, blind or disabled, the household would need to have less than $104,000 in assets, primary home excluded, and earn less than $2,600 or so in monthly income. That's two people on social security, believe it or not. Thank goodness my parents live with my brother; I don't know how they would make ends meet otherwise. And my brother doesn't count as part of the household, according to the Medicaid coordinator at Kaiser.

So the list of documents: birth certificate, picture ID, social security card, marriage certificate, bank & financial account statements, life insurance (cash value) records (throw away references to expired to canceled policies), funeral plans, real property ownership & tax records, retirement funds, family trust info, proof of other assets, social security award letter, pension benefit letter, veteran's benefits, pay stubs, proof of other income.

Also, be sure to have a power of attorney signed. We can't find my mom's copy although I'm pretty sure she signed one. I now have to hope and pray the insurance companies, etc, will give me information as I sift through her old and current policies.

My mom is opening her eyes more, which is hopeful. Thank you all for praying for us! We can feel your prayers and God's strength sustaining us through days and days of inadequate sleep. You can pray that we all stay healthy because we all take shifts and one person being ill would mess up our rhythm.

An interesting tip for those who come to Oahu sometimes: In Waikele, there is a lumpia kiosk called Alyssandra's Lumpia Express - OMG! Lumpia made right there as you wait, fresh and warm and ONO!

8 comments from Facebook

Karen Joe Johnson wrote at 8:50pm on November 23rd, 2008 AHHH, LISA--that's tough. I am so sorry you are going thru this. It's sad for all of you, and I'm glad you have each other. This is a very iimportant moment in your life and I hope you can just take the time to work things out for your mom so that you feel good about it. No pressured decisions, that way. Continuing to pray for you. Thanks for all the organization tips, too. That's a help...and you are always such a great helper! Love you. Report - Delete

Christen Roszkowski (Lexington, KY) wrote at 10:12pm on November 23rd, 2008 Lisa! I can't even begin to understand, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm praying for you! I love you! Report - Delete

Domino E.B. Rarangol wrote at 10:45pm on November 23rd, 2008 Hey Lisa, So sorry for what has/is happening. I'm not much of a praying type but I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and wish for the best. I kinda know a little of what you are going through. My family had to bring Grandma home to take care of her in her final days after her surgery went bad. It sounds like your mom is making better progress. Thanks for the advice and I'll hope for the best for you all! Report - Delete

Liza's Eyeview wrote at 2:42am on November 24th, 2008 I am glad you found a lumpia express :) continuing to pray for you and your family. Report - Delete

Debbie Brittain wrote at 6:50am on November 24th, 2008 Your note sounds all too familiar to me. Gratefully, my dad kept impeccable records and had them neatly filed...which made it so much easier on us, especially my sister. Your information will be a HUGE help to anyone interested. Will continue to keep you all in my prayers. By the way, just love that last paragraph about the lumpia...somehow food just seems to lift my heart like nothing else can, hahaha. Love you, Lisa! Report - Delete

Eydis Rennan wrote at 9:25am on November 24th, 2008 I'm so sorry what you are going through and thankful that you can express it with us. Always teaching me. My prayers and love is with you. You can always bring some Lumpia's home with you. (to us) Report - Delete

Nancy Loren wrote at 2:41pm on November 24th, 2008 Dear Lisa So sorry you are having to indure this painful Journey. Prayer for you and your Family will continue, and thankyou for keeping us up-dated and sharing your life with us all! ♥ nancy Report - Delete

Germaine Loewen wrote at 9:24pm on November 24th, 2008 Love you Lisa! I don't even remember any of that stuff....You and your siblings are amazing...Praise God! Report - Delete

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My mom had a stroke

Today I arrived at Kaiser Moanalua. My mom had a stroke that did a lot of damage to her brain, according to the CT scan. They think a blood clot traveled from her heart directly up to her brain. So I guess once the brain tissue dies, it doesn't regenerate. But sometimes the working parts of the brain compensate for the loss and a stroke victim can regain some functions.

This is just day one, so we will have to wait and see. Because mom has a lot of other health issues (lung cancer, advanced emphysema, congestive heart failure, pacemaker, cirrhosis of the liver), the doctors are not offering us much hope. 5% was the number the doctor gave us - 5% chance of regaining some functions. This absence of hope is a drag. My family and I would rather hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. So we talk openly about what the future may hold, but we pray and hope for a good bit of healing to take place. We'll just have to wait and see.

My mom opens her eyes briefly, she will look us straight in the eyes, then close her eyes. She moves her left side quite a bit, but hardly ever on command. She won't open her mouth or stick out her tongue on command so they can't feed her. And they need to look at her Advance Healthcare Directive tomorrow to see what she had specified as far as inserting a feeding tube goes. This is a good time to remind everyone, young and old, to sign your AHD asap.

My sister and brothers and I are taking shifts at the hospital to have someone at the hospital all the time. We are all very thankful for each other, and for understanding employers.

I'm reading Psalms to my mom, but I'm taking out the parts where the writer is saying "slay my enemies" and what not. :) Don't want to give her bad dreams.

8 comments from Facebook

Christen Roszkowski (Lexington, KY) wrote at 10:05pm on November 20th, 2008 Lisa! I didn't know about your mom, but admire your upbeat spirit in the midst of trials, and just wanted to let you know that you and your family are in our prayers!!! I love you :o) Report - Delete

Tyler Gillies (Hope Chapel) wrote at 11:19pm on November 20th, 2008 praying for you and your fam big time :) Report - Delete

Liza's Eyeview wrote at 4:18am on November 21st, 2008 you, your mom, and your family are in my prayers. Report - Delete

Kelli Torrez (San Francisco, CA) wrote at 7:47am on November 21st, 2008 Lisa you and your mom are in my heart and prayers. Love you sister Report - Delete

Maisha Lauer wrote at 8:49am on November 21st, 2008 I am praying for you lisa, and your mom. ♥ you Report - Delete

Nancy Loren wrote at 9:40am on November 21st, 2008 Dear Lisa I admire Your strength, which indicates to all that you have spent much time in Scripture and at the Lords feet for only He could give such power! Prayer will continue for you and your family. may God continue to strengthen you in this difficult time, Love nancy Report - Delete

Janna Schlag wrote at 11:05am on November 21st, 2008 You and your mom are very much in my prayers. How wonderful that you and your brothers and sisters can be there, supporting, loving, encouraging her. Love you so much Lisa! Janna Report - Delete

Lita Catiel wrote at 8:38pm on November 21st, 2008 Lisa, I know our Lord is keeping watch over you and especially mom. Keep your eyes focused on Him...hold strong to your Faith... Praying for you, my friend ~ Report - Delete

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